Mouth-breathing....A serious XBL threat (By Rebecca "Bonks" Rothschild)

I swear to you I can feel the hot cheeto scented breath blowing into my ear. It creates a shutter down my spine and a sudden urge for a q-tip doused in hydrogen peroxide. It's fuckin' disgusting..

TAKE THE MIC AWAY FROM YOUR FACE YOU ASTHMATIC EAR VIOLATOR!!!!

We can't just mute these people anymore, they need to be told. You don't have to be rude, you can even send them a private message. It will be like telling someone their fly is open, just give 'em the 'ol "dude, ur mic is too close to your face." We wouldn't have a world where people just walked around with their pants unzipped would we? We need to start a movement to end this abuse of my comfort levels. Problem is when I speak up in a lobby or game the next question is "how big are you boobs?" asks the mouth breather.

Now I understand some of you have a condition

And I'm not discriminating against you, just asking for a favor.

As for the rest of you without this condition, you are all nasty ear violators and you will be told. So let's make sure we can establish this movement across the globe. Provided below is a translation for "pull the microphone away from your face" in several languages.

Spanish- "Tire del micrófono lejos de su cara"

French- "Tirez le microphone à partir de votre visage"

Japanese (You Otakus should know this one)- "あなたの表面からのマイクロフォンを引っ張りなさい"

Klingon- " nuj SuS!"

Elvish- "anto suula!"

Are we clear? Fabulous.